


Jim

by Tarvok



Series: Dear... [56]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, depressed and compromised Vulcan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarvok/pseuds/Tarvok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another setback. Spock is trying his best, and Sarek is holding everybody together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jim

Jim,  
As dictated in an Earth hospital room by Mr. Spock Kirk.

By Tarvok

Rated PG for mature references. M/M, Gen. Character study. Nu!Trek.

 

Jim,

I love you so much that merely watching you sleep compromises me. I find myself unable to look away from your beauty at rest. I would give so many things to touch you. To smell you. To caress the so soft hair from your brow and wake you in order to make love to you. If it were possible, I would do this over and over so as to remove this soulless taint from you. I would do anything to see you smile again. To hear your carefree laugh rumble through your chest.

I have sat here for the past several Earth weeks waiting for you to wake up. Jim. Wake up for me. Let me see your beautiful blue eyes again. Please. Do not let me fall ill as well. I need you to breathe for me, Jim. Without you, I am nothing. It is the bond. I feel what you feel, Jim. I have always felt these... emotions and terrors and did not know what they were. Only that you needed me. Before we ever met, I knew. I knew something was horribly wrong.

I know now, Jim. I know and I am so sorry I was not there to save you. You were always my responsibility. I have failed you.

Father said we must be your strength as you fight the effects of this stroke. I can be all the strength you require, Jim. Even while my own is failing. I will never leave you, Jim. We must leave this place together once you are well enough. We will go anywhere you want to go. I will find a place with stars, Jim. Just... please come back to us.

Healer Skaron saved your life. He arrived the morning you experienced the nightmare and had the stroke that has since left you in this state, and me in mine. He has melded with you on multiple occasions to repair what he can, but it may never be enough. The blood Leonard gave you from Khan is no longer working to repair your body or your mind. At this stage, no medical treatment can succeed if you do not want it to.

I cannot lose you, Jim. It is unacceptable to me to lose you.

You must fight. You must come back to me. Please.

I am so sorry that I made love to you that morning. I never thought that something I would even now give anything for, would be something that would cause me deep regret. You were not ready. I should not have shown you my desire. Your body could not take it, and I did not understand. You are Human, and how could I have forgotten? I have told no one of my shame. I was a lovesick fool. I deserve whatever happens to me, but you deserve nothing but happiness and wholeness.

If you do not recover, Jim, I shall undergo Kolinahr. That will be my only option beyond joining you in Slumber. I will not go without you, Jim, but if you never... I cannot survive with these feelings.

I kept my promise to you. I never told Sarek about what happened on Canuz IV. I will never tell Leonard either if you do not wish it. I believe Skaron knows, but he would not compromise you, Jim. He is older than my father and more gentle. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you lying there at rest. He will look at me and I will get the same look. Is it pity? Is it sadness? Is it... I do not know.

Forgive me, Jim. I must go now. I must attempt to meditate and regain some semblance of control once again. I must meet with a series of diplomats in my father's place, as he is making arrangements for the coming holiday. We shall decorate your room, Jim. With all of the red and green and blue and white that you always told me you wanted for our first Christmas together on...

... Earth.

Forgive me, I must...

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck, this one was hard to write. I swear to God I cried. Most of these never turn out the way I intentionally thought, and I was hoping the Spock in my head wasn't going to agree to this one. Damn.
> 
> The video I watched over and over just to get it out: 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5o-WMxG83g
> 
> Again, I don't make these, just support.
> 
> If you're curious, most of these are written while listening to Poets of the Fall - Twilight Theater MP3's. I actually found them through this video... and if this one doesn't make you crap yourself (in a good way- ain't that eloquent sheesh), I don't know what will.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1eOAr27i4Q
> 
>  
> 
> AND DID YOU NOTICE HIS NAME AT THE TIPPY TOP.


End file.
